my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
