I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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