oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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