Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
MIDGETS
????
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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