He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
