i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
