YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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