He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
