Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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