OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your penis caused this!
Randomize