ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
