when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
