what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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