Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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