dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm both gender and math confused
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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