Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
