guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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