I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
