Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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