it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
