Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
