Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
