I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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