Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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