I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
