I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
