We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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