Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Can Purell be used as lube?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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