HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
