oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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