so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
