Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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