we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
