as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
