He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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