I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
