I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize