he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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