What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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