its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
