Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
