this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
