You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
