my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
