dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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