Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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