What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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