turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
