i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
