i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
