I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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