do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
