So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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