do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
