Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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