Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
