there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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