and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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