he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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