I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
