All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
