Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
