party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
