sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
