Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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