So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize