I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
