when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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