So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
