Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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