hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
