so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
