Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
