Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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