there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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