The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
