i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize