i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
