Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize