I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
