How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
