She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize