You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
