I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
