wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
