did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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