It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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