If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
