Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize