I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
