Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Will you blow on my dice?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
