then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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