I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
