I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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