He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
