I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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