Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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