I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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