Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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